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While eating breakfast yesterday morning, I listened to the radio. They were talking about the updated Covid restrictions. How retirement homes were recommended to not allow visitors, again, like in the spring. It made me think about missed time.
And I felt sad. Again. Because, even though I don’t know anyone who lives in a retirement home, I, too, have missed time with people I care about this autumn. Three of the good friends that I have made during my years at the research center have successfully defended their PhDs. Two have already moved away, and one is just about to. And it has not been possible to really spend time with them, not to celebrate their success or to say a proper goodbye. It doesn’t look like we’ll be living in the same countries again, maybe ever. It has been an ending of sorts, but I have not been allowed to honor it, shown them with my presence how important our years together have been to me.
We all understand, of course. We’re all experiencing the same isolation. I’ve felt a shared frustration and worry with many over the past half year. But now, I feel mostly sad, for times missed, and connections lost.
The sun was shining yesterday. To lighten up the blues a little I went for my daily run already before noon. To take advantage of the blinding light painting silhouettes around the bare trunks of oak, aspen and pine. Brightness, easing, just a little. And the thought: This too shall pass. And then I can get on the trains again, travel south over the continent and visit, in Germany, Belgium and Italy. This, at least, I can hold on to..
Photos: Alter Botanischer Garten Hamburg, Germany, October 2018. Posted on Instagram November 24, 2020.
Katja Malmborg 