It’s summer now, but I think I’m still stuck in spring. I think I’m fine and then someone says something that makes me think that I’ve done something wrong and the need to cry returns. I don’t. But parts of me wants to.
Anyway, the reason why I’m telling you this is that when I’m feeling this unstable, it’s hard for me to sit down and write. Often, the feeling comes over me in the evenings too, when I return to my piles of papers and dusty corners – this overwhelming feeling of never being done with anything. So instead of doing something useful, I put too much butter on a rice cake and watch episodes of Grimm and continue crocheting on my first pillowcase. I don’t sit down to write, even if I have planned to. Edited pictures and everything. So even the blog posts keep on piling up on me.
But now: catch up.
Term ended and I managed to turn everything in on time. I had a oral presentation that I can’t remember, but Andy and Giulio said it was a great presentation. I choose to believe they weren’t lying through their teeth.
I also had a couchsurfer staying on my couch for a couple of days: Nick from Madison, Wisconsin. An incredibly easy-going, friendly, considerable and in every way likable person, definitely on level with Miles and Max as couchsurfers/hosts go. He especially hit it off with Lina. Unfortunately, his and Jessica’s team lost the brännboll game on Sweden day, but otherwise I think he had a good stay in Stockholm. (The incredible eloquence and praise of his CS reference made me feel inadequate – how would I ever be able to match him? She’s a beacon of immense knowledge coupled with an insatiable curiosity about the world around her. In short, I’d be hard-pressed to find anyone with the same ratio of intelligence, curiosity, mindfulness, passion, and fun as her on this planet. I don’t deserve it, but I can’t help feeling speechlessly happy when reading it. I must be doing something right, at least in my role as a couchsurfing host.)
Me and Jessica spent a weekend in Uppsala, teasing Hannes and searching for butterflies in Hågadalen-Nåsten nature reserve.
Healing, the ease with which I can hang out with Hannes. The words just come and I never feel like too much. (And isn’t it amazing, with road signs warning for frogs crossing the road? The recently awakened ecologist in me gets all warm and fuzzy inside.)
The nature reserve was beautiful too. It’s no Pacific Northwest, but even a Swedish forest can be quite lush and green and fairy-tale-like.
So, you see, I’ve done some great things. I just haven’t been in the right place, mentally I mean, to write about it when I’ve had time to do so.
Katja Malmborg 