talismans

Maybe I’ve started to believe in talismans. Objects of no particular value, except for them being given to me by a special person at a special time of life. Moments that I want to remember. You know, almost as if I was trying to turn back time. Or just harness energy from those people and those moments by carrying the objects around.

Some strength, when I feel like I’m all out.

There is a ring with a big piece of amber in it that I got from my grandma. Dad’s mother. I might just be making this up, but I think it was the last birthday gift she ever gave me, before she went and died without a warning. My grandma was a very beautiful person and she loved me very much. I’ve been wearing that ring a lot during the last year.

But when I was going through my box of rings a couple of days ago, I found this tiny little silver ring with a small flower with a turquoise, cut piece of glass in it. It is a ring that I got for my seventh birthday from Daniel, a boy in my preschool class that I thought was cute. I have not seen him since, I changed schools for first grade. He is still a little seven year old boy for me.

I’m wearing that ring now. It will only fit on my little finger. Maybe I think that by wearing it, I might find my way back to some of that innocence.

Not that I didn’t know life was complicated and hard already. My parents had just gotten divorced.

I also found a necklace, a piece of bolivianite on a silver chain. It was the gift for my twenty-first birthday from Natalia, Cecilia, Jonna and Edvard. We were in Bolivia, staying in Natalia’s family home in La Paz, and they woke me up by filling my bed with balloons, singing “Super trouper” by ABBA (we had just seen Mamma Mia!) and I got fresh strawberries for breakfast. I had never had strawberries for breakfast. My birthday is in February. I think that is the best birthday I’ve ever had.

I’m wearing that necklace now. It is a very subtle accessory. Maybe I think that by wearing it, I might feel some of that excitement and strengthening warmth from friendship.

God knows I need it.

On my wall, I have a magnification of the announcement my parents put in the paper after I was born. It says “The sky became so blue, so blue when KATJA came to the world”.

I should not forget that. My birth wasn’t easy. Of course, I don’t remember, but I’ve been told. I’m lucky to be here. I should remember that.

And wear whatever jewelry that makes me feel good. Tonight, that’s a tiny ring with a flower and a turquoise piece of glass in it, and a necklace with a small pebble of bolivianite.