Sometimes, I talk far too much. Especially if I’m with someone new, someone that I think that I could like, someone who maybe makes me slightly nervous. The talking just won’t stop, as if I can hide all my fears and insecurities by dressing them up in big words. It’s as if I fear the silence, because in the silence I feel totally bared. But when I talk, there is no room for doubt, no room for questions. I am like a hurricane, and the people that stand in my way might find me amusing to start with, maybe even a little excitingly strange and eccentric, but after a while the words become a solid wall and most don’t even realise there is something to climb. And I’m too scared to help them.
Sometimes the most intimate thing you can do with someone is to be silent together. Or just to listen. When there are no big words to hide behind, that’s when the real communication can start. And it is scary. Utterly terrifying. To dare not to speak. That is something that I have yet to learn.
Katja Malmborg 